Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize