I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
