you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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