dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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