Ketchup is God's man juice
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
