Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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