Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
