My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
