I feel like I'm in dance class right now
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
