so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
its liver damage thursday
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
