My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
