"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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