we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
