I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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