Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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