Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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