I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
