I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
