Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
