I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
