You're my little dorito
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
