What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
