Who did Billy Mays play for?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
