and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
