Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
