Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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