3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
