I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
