The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
