So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
