i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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