I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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