I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
