We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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