I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's shark week go big or go home
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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