Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
