One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
where are my eyebrows?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
