no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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