eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
