i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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