did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
