Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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