Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
