bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
