I cannot find my penis.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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