if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
