I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
