i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
