she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
