I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
