just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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