The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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