This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize