I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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