I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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