I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
