i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
