turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
