You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
