Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
