I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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