if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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