Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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