i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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