By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
