Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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