fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
