What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
