she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
